Today's reading of Lamentations was different from previous days--one, two, and three--I found myself interested, or needing to better understand how or why Jerusalem fell so epically. I think it is common, when we realize we have stumbled, to want to go back and retrace our footsteps. Where did I go wrong? Where did I leave the path? Where should I have caught myself?

As a growing Christian woman I am learning how important it is to become self-aware, to constantly reflect and consider how I am progressing, or not progressing. I expect to fall, to weaken, to go astray; I'm not perfect. My greater hope is that no matter how I fail or loose sight of my way, God will bring me back and right my course. 

In our society we have begun to associate self-aware with self-absorbed. The selfie king and queen, the confessional poets, the self-deprecating Facebook updaters or tweeters who always have something to say--about them. I call that noise. Not because I'm being judgmental, but because I believe those things do not contribute music to the lives of those around them, but noise. Not all noise is bad, it just is.

The difference with being self-aware and self-absorbed, as I understand it, it that in becoming self-aware we are taking notice of how we are succeeding or not succeeding in our goals. We are examining ourselves, not for putting on a show or drawing attention to ourselves, but to be accountable towards our goals, priorities, and our greater desires. Ideally, our goals, priorities, and desires seek to lift others up, glorify God, and not ourselves.

But I'm getting slightly off topic here. As I finished and then started to read Lamentations, chapter four again, I became interested in the cause of Jeremiah's grief, Jerusalem's fall from grace. I wanted to go back, and trace the ruin to see if I could learn for myself, how not to stray. I didn't need to go too far, just one book back, Jeremiah, gave me great insight.

As I started thumbing through and reading some pointed verses, it became clear to me that to get the full story, I'd need to eventually settle down and closely read Jeremiah. However, for digging deeper into Lamentations, a few verses were a great help. Understanding and seeing where Judah went wrong, where and how they disobeyed God, enlightens our reading of Lamentations, deepens our understanding of Jeremiah's grief, and helps us better understand God's wrath.

How often have we stopped and considered where, how, when we've gone wrong and allowed our wrongdoings, or missteps to enlighten our circumstances, actions, and behavior moving forward? We could, like Jeremiah, better understand and put words, prayers, and repentance to our suffering if we took the time to practice self-examination.

I'd like to share what verses spoke to me this morning. 

"Zion's precious people--once worth their weight in pure gold--how hey are regarded as clay jars, the work of a potter's hands!" -Lm 4:1-2 (HCSB)

Right away this verse reminds me that our worth in God's grace, in Christianity is not enough. It is not enough to profess with our mouths that we follow and commit our lives to God, we must also act accordingly. What good is our words if they do not follow our deeds? I'd even stretch to say our words mean nothing in the face of our deeds. Our words could do more harm to the world if we do not follow them with deeds, actions that shine the light back towards God. 

As a Christian, our actions, our deeds, or person is always judged as a reflection of our God and Savior. If we act unbecomingly, uncouth we are presenting the world with a misleading picture of our God.

As such we must live a life that uplifts and glorifies God, that is obedient. It is a great responsibility and underlines the saying, To whom much is given, much is expected.

That leads me to the next verse, that sort of highlighted that thought for me:

"The punishment of my dear people is greater than that of Sodom, which was overthrown in an instant without a hand laid on it." -Lm 4:6 (HCSB)

The mentioning of Sodom points back to Genesis and reminds us of Judah's covenant with God and that once the revelation from God was given, there was greater privilege, but also greater responsibility. I think about our privileges in knowing God, in being saved, in walking a life in Christ, and I also realize the great responsibility that comes with knowing and devoting our lives to God. The stronger I grow in my walk, the more humble I grow in my responsibility and always choosing to do the right thing. 

"The Lord has exhausted His wrath, poured out His burning anger; He has ignited a fire in Zion, and it has consumed her foundations." -Lm 4:11 (HCSB)

One of the greatest lessons of this verse, and perhaps all of Lamentations, is that Jerusalem's miseries were allowed by God. Jerusalem's suffering was allowed by God. Sometimes I think we need to spend time sitting with the truth that God will use suffering to correct our transgressions. Sometimes God will use pain and grief to bring us closer to Him, to teach us to lean on Him and come to Him in our weak times. Consider, if we are always strong, if we are always living the grandest of grand times, how will we ever know how He is our rock in weakness? How do we know He is the way if we spend our lifetime thinking we are already on our path, going about life, and having the best of times. Is there even a best of times if there is not a worst of times? We must always understand that even in our greatest misery, we are alive, experiencing God's mercy and He is the way. We cannot know that if we never suffer.

The second greatest lesson of this verse is realizing that God did not grow tired or weary; He followed through with His judgment and plan to punish Jerusalem. His judgment and wrath was just, and divine. 

"All the while our eyes were failing as we looked in vain for assistance; we watched from our towers for a nation that refused to help'" -Lm 4:17 (HCSB)

Guess what? There is no human assistance greater than God's wrath. No one can undo or rescue us from God's judgement and wrath. I think we miss this sometimes, especially when dealing with a loved one who is dangerously flirting with an unclean life. We think we can save them, or they they think we can save them, but the truth is, only God can save us from His wrath. 

"Daughter Zion, your punishment is complete; He will not lengthen your exile. But He will punish your inequity, Daughter Edom, and will expose your sins." -Lm 4:22 (HCSB)

I have read and learned some good news: Our suffering does and will have an end. Whatever it is we labour through, what ever it is that brings us grief, sadness, or pain, what ever our suffering, it will end. God will not judge us longer than He needs to, or place on us more than we can withstand. The pain will cease and pass, and those who jeer at us, they will be dealt with accordingly. 

After finishing chapter four, I read a few verses of Jeremiah:

• Jr 6:13
• Jr 8:8-12
• Jr 17:5-18
• Jr 23:11-36
• Jr 26:7-24
• Jr 28:1-17
• Jr 29:11-14

It was insightful to see the choices that lead to the destruction of Jerusalem and the opportunities they had to change and alter their behavior. A couple of verses stood out to me as great inspiration in our journies through suffering:

"The man who trusts in mankind, who makes human flesh his strength and turns his heart from the Lord is cursed. He will be like a juniper in the Arabah; he cannot see when good comes but dwells in the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land where no one lives. The man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence indeed is the Lord, is blessed. He will be like a tree planted by water: it sends its roots out toward a stream, it doesn't fear when heat comes, and its foliage remains green. It will not worry in a year of drought or cease producing fruit." -Jm 17:5-8 (HCSB)

I just loved this verse. It reminds us of how sustaining our lives become when we put our trust in the Lord and not in man. It reminded me of Ps 1:3 "she is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears it's fruits in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever she does prospers."

How comforting are these words, this knowledge, and knowing our lives will always be fruitful if we pour ourselves into the Lord.

And finally,

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans for you welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. You will call to Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and places where I banished you, I will restore you to the place I deported you from." -Jm 29:11-14 (HCSB)

There really, truly is no greater comfort, no greater salve for a broken heart than to know despite it all, God has plans for you, for you life, and that He will keep you and restore you. All we need to do is call upon Him, search for Him with all of our hearts. No matter the turmoil, with Him we will be restored.

Rest easy, pray hard, hold deep faith, and continue your walk with the Lord. 

Deep and Full Blessings to You,

Kiandra