Today, I'm two days out from finishing reading 1 Corinthians with Edward. We started a couple's Bible Study a few weeks ago and decided, together, 1 Corinthians would be a great chapter to start. He has never truly read the Bible, save for his k-12 education in Catholic school. One of his biggest goals has been truly reading, learning, and understanding the Bible.

Personally, I've read the Bible my entire life, as a kid with my Papa, on my own through troubled years/time, and then again while an undergrad at Cal Baptist. I never tire of the comfort the Word brings.

I had the mind to share my Bible study notes when me and E started our study, but Grad school and life got in the way, and I hadn't quite figured out how I would share. I'm not sure I have figured it out, but I know it is better to start where you are instead of waiting to be where you want to go. Well, let me back up--I'm learning to start where I am. 

Today I read a few verses suggested from a book I'm reading (Becoming a Woman of Influence). Though I much prefer the continuity of reading a book through, bit by bit daily, this was good, too. I was able to gather some words of wisdom and comfort. I even stumbled upon some verses I've read in the past.

I'd like to share:

New Verses: 

1. Psalm 1
2. Matthew 6:14-15
3. Mark 11:25
4. Ephesians 4:32
5. 1 John 4:7-8, 16
6. 1 Jn 2:15
7. Proverbs 10:12
8. John 10:10

Familiar Verses:

1. Matthew 5: 1-12
2. Psalm 37

Some of the verses spoke to me in a deeper way this morning. Psalm 1 was a welcomed reminder of how fruitful our lives become with joy when we delight in the Lord. It was also a great reminder to be watchful of the company we keep.

"How happy is the woman who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers! Instead, her delight is in the Lord's instruction and she meditates on it day and night." -Ps 1:1-2 (HCSB)

The happiness, joy this verse speaks of is born in trusting and pouring our faith in God, not the ideas, thoughts, and concerns of man. I dare to include ourselves in that command; how often do we, as women (and perhaps men, too) beat ourselves up, talk down to ourselves, pity ourselves, or mock ourselves for our sins and presumed failures? There are times where I have been the worst mocker, or held the most wicked tongue against myself. Better of us to find peace and stillness, purpose and duty in God's will for us and to continually meditate on His love and mercy.

Now, the next verse, I really found words that spoke to my heart. I often feel God's presence in nature, so anything that allows me to recall time in nature speaks directly to my soul. 

She is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever she does prospers. -Ps 1:3 (HCSB)

Is that not beautiful? Does it not bring beautiful images to your mind and create a strong comfort in how being rooted in God allows our lives to flourish?

Instantly, that verse took me back to my 38th birthday, just a few weeks ago, and being up in Southern California's beautiful mountains. We went to Lake Gregory and I felt in my heart I could and should hug every last tree we passed, growing and living along the edge of the lake. The air smelled of pines, earth, clouds, and water. Am I the only one who feels she can smell clean water and clouds? 

I sometimes look at trees, their majestic stillness and resolve, at mountains, and pray prayers for the same stillness, resolve, and peace to consume and settle deep into me. And then Ps 1:3 reminds me that peace and stillness is there, born through God.

Some other verses I read today, dealing with forgiveness and love, reminded me there are always opportunities to forgive and to ask to be forgiven. As a younger woman I prided myself in my ability to hold a grudge. How foolish! But marriage and parenthood has taught me how important it is to have a soft heart that is always willing to extend grace to others. I forgive easily, but I still struggle with forgetting. When I am deeply hurt, I create thick boundaries, or band-aids across my heart to prevent the hurt from reoccurring. It takes a lot to get me to that space of deep hurt, and it takes an equal lot to move me from it. I'm working on it.

"And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ." -Eph 4:32 (HCSB)

I must add, I also struggle with forgiving myself when I fall short. It is often easier for me to forgive others than to forgive myself or allow others to forgive me. I know this stems from perfectionism, and is something I work daily on letting go. One of the ways I work on it is to constantly, vigilantly extend grace, compassion, and kindness to myself. Sometimes that means telling myself, It's okay, hourly. 

"And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him." 1 Jn 4:16 (HCSB)

Now here's a principle I can tattoo across my face: Love. Oh, I love love. I really, truly, do. I can honestly say I cannot think of a single person I hate, or anyone I feel is unlovable. Love comes so very natural and easy for me I have to make sure I don't freak people out with my outpourings of love. If I know you, I love you. Pretty, much. Doesn't mean I have to love you up-close, no, no, I have perfected the 'love them from afar' rule. (Boundaries are healthy.) But, yeah, love always rocks my world. 

Reading Matthew 5: 1-12, the Beatitudes was a great meditation this morning on virtues to cultivate within myself and to model for my family. I took a few and turned them into a mini-prayer :

• I pray to be gentle to myself and others.
• I pray for God to fill my hunger and thirst for a righteous life.
• I pray for mercy and to extend mercy to others.
• I pray to grow and remain pure in heart, so I may be able to see and know God.
• I pray to become and be known as a peacemaker.

All of the beatitudes are beautiful and worth turning into prayers for virtues we can cultivate in ourselves, our own lives, but these few spoke deeply to the ways I would like to grow as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and friend. Especially in my role as wife and mother. I've come to deeply realize the honor and responsibility God has entrusted me with my husband's heart and my children's hearts, lives, and minds. 

Finally, one of the 'assignments' in the book is to create a personal definition of spirituality. I gave it some thought and came up with a 'for now' definition that I'd like to work on and edit over time. 

Spirituality is an unspoken calm and peace in God that draws people closer to God in its ability to personify God's grace and love in human form.

It's a bit clunky and perhaps, thin, but it feels like a good place to start. I think defining spirituality personally is a great exercise, and could create great guidance and direction in our walks with God. I'm going to continue to ruminate on mine, and perhaps edit, add, expand it over time.

Full and Deep Blessings to You,

Kiandra