Desiring Financial Peace: The Backstory Behind Our Journey Into Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University
(Note: Before you begin, I want to warn you, this is a long post. I am a writer, so I write. No short, quick, and catchy numbered lists, this is my full heart and story, and I'd like to share it with you.)
E and I, on an overnight date in La Jolla, celebrating our 16 year anniversary.
Nearly twenty years ago, Edward and I sat on the floor of my 300 sq. ft. studio apartment, dreaming and planning the rest of our lives. It was late fall, we’d been dating seriously for a few months, and both of us knew we had somehow become inseparable. It was not enough to work together, live close, commute in and out of work together, and share every meal. We wanted forever.
That evening we sat on the floor with our legs outstretched, his long legs stretched across my mini living room, dreaming and planning.
“It’s important to me that our kids have a parent at home.”
I’m not sure which one of us said it first, but we realized very early on our family would not be contemporary. We shared old-fashioned ideas about family, and both of us, raised by a village, felt someone needed to be at home with our kids.
“Whoever makes less will stay at home.”
I remember Edward saying this, acknowledging that if I made more than him when we became parents, he’d stay at home with our children. It was a matter-of-fact aside, a throw out there kind of statement, as if he knew he was stating the obvious and confirming what I also knew to be true.
I was in love with him before, but hearing his willingness, his plans to be a selfless father and husband, made me respect and admire him. I’d never met a 26 year-old-man willing to become a stay-at-home dad. It was the 90s and the “hipster dad” had not been born. I mean, he had just graduated with his bachelor’s degree, and was at the beginning of his career, learning and enjoying getting his feet wet. He had professional goals and dreams. CPA. Enrolled Agent. Stay-at-home dad?
I knew then he was my life partner. I was five years younger, working more than going to school, and was still trying to figure life out. I’d been on my own for three years, and all I knew was work. In fact, I already had five years work experience, three years more than him.
Here’s the thing, when I searched my heart and was honest with myself, I knew I only had one answer to the “what do you want to be when you grow up” question.
Wife/mother.
I guess that’s two. The only work I could fully commit my heart and life to, the only work I felt called to do, the only work I felt could sustain me was the work of family, my family.
When I was in high school, all I dreamed about was having a family. Sure, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to earn my degree, I wanted to “be somebody;” however, to me the most important somebody I could ever become was somebody’s wife and mom.
I was ashamed, even embarrassed about that.
I told no one, and only allowed myself to write it in a journal once, and quickly ripped the page out and threw it away. I was a gifted black girl; the last thing my teachers and guidance counselors wanted to hear was that my biggest dream, my biggest wish was to become a housewife.
In the 90s, housewife was a dirty word. Young girls were encouraged to dream big, to go to college, to break the glass ceiling, not spend their days spraying glass cleaner and running behind children and a husband. Home Ec. classes were a joke, quickly being replaced with more worldly electives and A.P. classes, and we were pushed and corralled into classes to prepare us for college and becoming young professionals.
Let me say, I am grateful for those programs and those classes, teachers, and counselors that told us to dream big, wide dreams. Those classes shaped part of who I am. But, I am also saying there is room and need for homemakers; it is okay for young girls and boys to dream of growing up to be homemakers. Homemaking is a profession, and it is possible, now, to be both homemaker and professional.
When I think about that night Edward and I spent dreaming and planning, I remember one big thing, one big take away.
Our priorities were different, so our lives would be different.
We soon realized our lives would not look like most of our peers. We would not focus or center our lives on our professions; instead, we would focus and center our lives on our family. We would sacrifice everything for our family. Careers. Finances. Lifestyle. Everything in our world would center first on family.
And that, to me, is what this is about. Financial Peace University is about aligning your finances first around Biblical stewardship of money, and second around your, not mines, not your neighbor’s, or your parent’s, sibling’s or cousin’s, but your life priorities.
I believe our financial priorities reveal our life priorities.
Nearly twenty years ago Edward and I decided our lives would be filled with sacrifices, sacrifices that aren’t always popular are easy to talk about. All those years ago our peers, friends didn’t understand why we didn’t grow our family financially—acquire more things, buy new cars, purchase new/bigger houses, go on vacations, move up the corporate latter, etc.
Off the top of my head I can remember three separate occasions Edward has turned down professional opportunities, chances to advance, because it would cost him precious family time. He abandoned his dream of becoming a CPA and an enrolled agent, years ago, when our family was young, because we couldn’t make it on a smaller salary, and because the work demands would cut into our family time.
When I’ve watched him spend countless hours working on our family’s household budget and offered to get a part-time, evening job, he’s told me no, stating, “it’ll cut into our family time and more money isn’t worth it.” When he’s felt bad that he can’t do more, materially, for our family and offered to get a second job I’ve told him the same thing, “No, not even. It’ll cut into our family time and it isn’t worth it.”
Our family is our first ministry, our first opportunity to not only serve our God, but also serve this world. We truly believe the biggest and greatest contribution we can make to this world is our family, our children.
We are a one-income family, and the only way we have been able to survive is the decisions we made that night sitting on the floor, while dreaming of the family we’d become. That night we decided we’d only ever live off one income. Even though we were young, working, and had no debt or large responsibilities, we only lived off his income.
A few months after that initial planning we saved up enough money to buy our first home, a condo, and as we got married, had kids, bought two more homes, we stuck to those original priorities.
One income.
It has been nearly thirteen years since I held a job. In these thirteen years we have sacrificed so much, but also gained a lot.
Sacrifices
· Date nights
· Family vacations
· New Cars (current cars are 16 & 11 years old
· Purchased first couch this year
· First eat-out meal this year (when I graduated with my MFA) in 11/12 years
· Edward packs his lunch every day.
· Edward rarely buys new clothes, shoes (much to my chagrin, honestly).
· Kids take few, if any, extracurricular classes. (We find ways to help them learn on their own.)
When people hear about these “sacrifices” they are shocked and often ask about our quality of life. I know they wonder why, and some have even suggested I work, or Edward get a side job. I know they mean well, but they don’t know us; they don’t know our family. They don’t know how wonderful our lives are.
Blessings
· We are constantly laughing. It’s a “thing” around here.
· We’ve amassed an impressive board game collection.
· We spend all our weekends together as a family, and love it.
· We relish staying in and having family date night around a board game or movie.
· I cook and bake a lot of fun, exciting meals, so we never feel deprived.
· We find joy in the little things.
· We are rarely stressed out.
· The kids love being homeschooled and spending family time.
· The kids are wildly creative and all our extra time/money goes into feeding their creativity/hobbies (and my own).
· We rarely feel like we are missing out or lacking in our lives.
· We’ve mastered the staycation.
· We find humor and gratitude in everything.
My point in sharing and being transparent is two-fold. I’ve received a lot of well-meaning romantic ideas about my lifestyle. It must be nice to stay at home, to have a garden, to bake, to homeschool. And it is. It is nice and I am profoundly grateful for how God has blessed my family. But, this life I live is not without sacrifice. My family does without a lot. My husband, my kids, myself, we sacrifice a lot, but it is all by choice because we have a different set of priorities and different definition of success and wealth.
We don’t judge other families’ ideas of success and wealth; we just define it differently for ourselves. In fact, I applaud anyone who is living life on their own terms, defining success and wealth in ways that authentically reflect who they are.
And that brings me to my final point. I want to encourage others (and myself, because some days are hard) venturing on a life of less. If you are seeking financial peace and are looking at cutting costs, saving money, paying off debt, and it feels daunting and impossible, I want to encourage you.
Beach rocks and ocean foam. Carlsbad, California
You can do this.
You are not defined by your material wealth, by the things you collect, or even the expensive experiences you collect.
I believe life is not defined by what we have, what we do, what we take pictures of and record for social media. As a Christian, I believe my life is defined by how I live as a child of Christ. For those of you who aren’t Christian, to me that means who I am and how I serve others means more than what I have or what I have done (for myself).
I don’t want to live a selfie life. I want to live a servant’s life. Serving my God first, my family second, and then my church, community, and the world. Financial peace makes that possible. Financial peace means my family will be able to tithe, to give every month to my church’s benevolence box, that I will be able to continue volunteering and serving in The Path of Life Ministry, helping give voice to the homeless.
Financial peace means that my family ministry can become a healthier ministry.
But, above all, financial peace means that my family will become better stewards of God’s provisions. My friends, that is the most important thing I’ve learned.
All that I have is not mine; it is all God’s blessings and provisions to me.
My life, my family, my talents, my possessions, my health, my work in and out the home—all I am and all I have is not mine, but His.
““The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it””
I don’t know where you are in your life. Perhaps you are well on financially, and aren’t in need of Financial Peace University. Or, perhaps you are deeply struggling, with debt or some other financial issue. Maybe you are like my family, not living above your means, but not making the most of your money. Wherever you are, if you join me, I hope that you will see the greater purpose in financial peace and financial freedom.
Growing wealth isn’t for ourselves, it isn’t something we amass to try and impress others (often people we don’t like or don’t know), it doesn’t grant us joy (maybe temporary happiness), but wealth, as I am coming to understand it, is about:
· Becoming a better steward of God’s blessings.
· Using your blessings to bless others.
· Changing your family’s tree—making sure that the generations following you will be better off.
There is no I in wealth, but there is a “we,” and I truly believe that wealth is found in community. What we do to build up and contribute to the communities around us. What we do for others.
“Be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud.”
So, here we are. Edward and I have officially started attending Financial Peace University, and it promises to be a challenge, but well worth it. Day 1, Week 1 and I already feel challenged, discouraged, encouraged, hopeful, scared, excited, and daunted.
My attitudes and emotional reactions about money, I’ve realized, have to change. My goal is to share my experience, my ups and downs, my growth, and be transparent.
I hope you will join me, and that ultimately we will learn about true wealth. I pray we will become someone’s rainbow through healthy stewarding of our own resources.
Thursday I will share about our first class, last Sunday. Including a review of our class materials, my thoughts and impressions, and all that I learned.
Deep and Full Blessings to You,
Kiandra