Writing Wednesday Prompt: Selfish, Selfless, or Both?

This morning I turned in a large ‘packet’ of work for my August deadline. The MFA program I’m in is a bit different than a traditional program. Instead of meeting weekly and I’m sure turning in small assignments, we turn in work on a monthly basis and have weekly check-ins. At first thought this seems easy, you get a month to do your work. But no, it is much more difficult and teaches you how to stay disciplined daily.

I imagine that working this way is much more similar or in line with a working, professional writer’s schedule—you have your everyday life and must find the time and motivation to fit creative writing into that schedule. You must create a writing practice or space for your craft. This is one of the reasons that I chose a low-residency MFA program. I felt like it would be great training for my future writing life. Not to mention, I loved what my University stands for—social justice and the education of literary artists.

But, I am learning something else on this journey, something I didn’t expect or think I’d learn. I’m learning to be selfish and to say no. The ability to say no or to be selfish, regularly, has always been foreign to me. I cannot say the many times I said yes in my 20s to please others or did things I didn’t want to prevent from inconveniencing someone else or to save another person’s feelings. I thought that saying yes meant that I was a good person, or that I was giving, but also that I was worthy. Worthy of someone else’s approval and acceptance. It never occurred to me that I was good, giving, and most importantly worthy without saying yes.

I’m learning that worth and measure of heart is not only based upon how well you treat others or how much you give to others, but also in how well you treat and value yourself. We must always remember that we are worthy of the same love, respect, kindness, and gratitude that we give to others.

Truthfully, just writing that makes me think twice. Really, I ask myself. Can I really be a good person if I say no or value myself over others? I think the answer is yes, though I am still trying to accept it.

What I am learning is that giving to others, saying yes, doesn’t mean you are giving from your heart. It also says nothing about how you treat yourself. Are you not as important and those you try and give so much to? Sure, we should think of others and give when possible, but we should give freely, commit freely, be fully present and invested in all that we give ourselves to.

I think that is the true meaning of being both selfish and selfless. When we are fully present, invested, and applying ourselves to what we believe in our effort, commitment, and quality of giving is so much richer and authentic. That’s the true gift. Giving with a full, content, and open heart.

It is better to identify the one thing you can give freely and authentically with love to others and give that, then to give ten different things with scorn, dread, or sadness. There is no love in half-giving. And you are most surely half-giving if you say yes just to be accepted or liked, or because you feel ‘it is the right thing to do.’ That is giving out of fear and not giving out of love.

Here is my writing prompt for you this week:

Identify five selfish things that you have done, or could do for yourself.

Sometimes our selfish things benefit others, which is great. But focus on identifying a few things that you can do for yourself that make you feel good about the life you are living. What do you enjoy? What do you miss doing? What do you wish you could find time to do?

Now, identify five truly selfless things you can do for others that you would like to do.

The best acts of selflessness comes from giving or doing things for others that you are naturally passionate about. If you hate cooking, don’t offer to cook for someone, but if you love cleaning, organizing, or creating ‘systems’ see how you can offer that service to someone else. The key is to identify things that you are passionate about to give away selflessly to someone else. And remember that giving comes in a lot of different forms—making things, doing things for others, helping or teaching someone something they don’t know, offering support, sharing your talents/gifts.

Examine recent and past decision that you have made out of fear of saying no. What have you done out of fear and not out of love? How can you correct these decisions or make sure that you never commit in these ways again?

Look for overlap in your lists. Do you see trends? Do you see things that you love doing, things in your selfish list, that you can add to your selfless list. How can you take those things that you love doing for yourself and give them away or do them for others?

Creative Writing Prompt:

Create a situation where your character has to practice acts of ‘selflessness.’

Write a scene where a character is put in a situation to freely choose to give something they are deeply against giving. Instead of choosing what we expect, saying no, have your character give what is asked. What type of inner turmoil does this decision put your character in? Does s/he go back and undo the gift, or does your character stick it out? Whatever their decision, how do they act as a result. Are they bitter and angry, or do they flash a smile that hides anger or resentment.

Take note of how this one decision effects future decisions of your character. And pay attention to how supporting characters react to their decision. How does the character’s decision and subsequent actions better inform you about who s/he is?

Peace and Love,

Kiandra